After picking up that said book, I saw another book, a size of something like the buku rampaian (exercise book) which I used back in school, propped up on the counter - demanding for attention.
I couldn't help but to pick it up. It says, 'Yasmin'. That name pulled my heartstrings as I am reminded of someone who I once admired - and that has caused me to cry uncontrollably when I heard the news of her passing some four years ago. My mom was surprised and puzzled when she saw me crying in front of my laptop, and all I could mutter out between my sobs, stuffed nose, stinging eyes (looking like a horrible mess) was this, "ee cho kong koh eyh, ee jin jiah hoh eh lang, ee si liau" (this is Hokkien for, "she produces advertisement, she is a very good hearted person, and she has passed away"). After which, I cried even more. My mom somehow did not pursue further with my ambiguous explanation which didn't quite justify the need for such severe reaction on my part, but I did hear her saying softly, "ta ta lang, cha ban pun si eh, boh suh yao en neh kek sim." (everyone will meet with the end of their lives, sooner or later. No need to feel devastated).
Yes, that was the word to describe me then; devastated.
I never knew her, neither does she know me. I just knew her from her works in advertising and film making. From following her blog and the various works that she has produced with her team, I have grown to love her voice, her vision and her heart. But I never knew her. Neither does she know me.
But devastated, I was.
So yesterday night, I just felt a strong compelling to get this book and I have no regrets at all (not expecting one anyway). Firstly, the book wasn't sold to make money out of her death (like what is commonly done for great celebrities) but the profit from the sales were channeled to a volunteer relief organization providing medical and humanitarian services locally and abroad. And on top of that, this book was meant to immortalize the words and presence which she has imparted into the lives of those whom she has touched. She touched my life too, although not directly and I thought that this book may just be something worth keeping. It is not just a story of her life, it was the voices of her life, and they are now messages for others to be enriched from.
So needless to say, I spared no time poring over the book, when I had dinner, after shower, and before bed. And in the morning train ride, I read and read again. Before I knew it, I was 2/3 done with the book by the time I get to the office. There aren't many books that has such an effect on me (those who know me knows that I am a 'skip-reader': I skip between plots, pick up the important turning points, and get to the last chapter to read the ending". But like I said, this wasn't a story book, it was her voice and I am having a good time reading them.
Funny thing is, I think this book appeared at the right time of my life. No doubt that life is not defined just by the work that I do, but of late the negative vibes that infested this place has left many of us demoralized. Reading this book was like a breath of fresh air, and reminded me of a person who I used to be before this. Life can be really unpredictable, and at this juncture it is unpredictable as it gets. But one thing for sure, I will continue to trust in the Almighty who never once have failed me (regardless of the numerous times that I had let Him down). I am sure a resolution to this will come at the right time, I just need to be patient before truth prevails. And truth always prevails.
